Resolutions

I’m in the sun room of my family home, watching the birds outside the window at the feeder.  Fat blue jays and cardinals and chickadees and the occasional woodpecker hop between the branches, continually sorting through the pecking order; their little society has its own rules. 

Every morning my mother sits here with our dog Finn on the couch by her side, sipping tea and writing, making to do lists.  On the coffee table is a small wooden tray of five glass vases filled with pink and white alstroemeria.  Outside, the world is white and quiet.  Snow is falling again.  It hasn’t in some time.

It’s nearing the end of January and I suppose it’s time to talk about resolutions.  Have you abandoned yours already?  I have and haven’t. 

But I did promise myself that this year I wouldn’t make my resolutions and then abandon all thought of them.  I would remind myself continually.

How many times do we make our resolutions with the greatest intentions and then by February forget what they were, or, worse, just accept, well, this is how my life goes, I’ve already slipped so many times.  But I’ll keep trying, I guess. 

That vagueness – that “I guess” – is so dangerous.  I’ve been thinking about this. 

It’s such a subtle, gray moment.  The moment when you let go of the specific goal, the plan, the desire. 

It’s a moment when you slip back into apathy.  You hardly notice it.

I believe inspiration is a thing that you have to cultivate.  I won’t speak to writer’s block or just general life blocks, but I do believe that keeping yourself inspired – maybe I should say also curious? – falls on you, not the outside world. 

But also – can we just acknowledge that January is kind of a rough month?  It’s dark, it’s freezing; you spend a month preparing for the holidays and a month recovering.  

So?  End of January renewal of resolutions!  Because the year really has just begun.

2013 Resolutions

write in my journal every day

be lighter

            give up on perfection

            seek new adventures, try new things – always

            open up to criticism – it won’t kill you

            laugh more – aka lighten the hell up

make organization a priority – you can’t do anything when everything’s a mess 

quit negative talk

            quit gossip

            quit complaining

talk about my dreams and goals with confidence – no more apologetic tones – as in, I want to be an actress?  and a writer?  Yeah, I’ll probably have to work in a coffee shop, yeah, the odds are impossible – bullshit and enough.  That’s not the focus.

(I could write/rant about every one of these topics…..maybe I will…)

And 2013 Tangible Goals

make several short films myself (check one off the list!)

write 2 feature length screenplays

have a play workshopped

start and maintain a blog (!)

travel independently – don’t know where yet, I just know that I must

 

With that, I leave you.  The snow is falling and the day is new.  

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