Well, I’m Still Here

 

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The unexpected can always sneak up on you when you least…expect it….

Like this past week when I found out I had a cyst the size of a softball in my nether regions.  

That’s right.  Softball.  Baby’s head.  Whatever you associate with 8 centimeters.  

I was livid.  

It’s funny actually, post-surgery, to think just how stomp-around PISSED I was that this had happened to me.  A week and a half before I was supposed to leave for Los Angeles, a fucking grapefruit sized obstacle had landed (was discovered?) in my lap.  

Don’t worry.  I’m fine.  (No one reads this anyway, Rebecca!)  I just got the call yesterday that it’s benign.  

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peace, health

But it’s been pretty shocking.  Well, it’s been a lot of things.  

Extremely painful for one.  The cyst itself didn’t hurt actually.  They just found it in a routine checkup (I hadn’t been to the gyn in 2 and a half years – never again will I put off appointments…never again should you!).  But the thing they don’t tell you about surgery down there is that they pump gas into you to expand your stomach so they can see your organs while they’re working.  

Possibly the most painful and shocking experience of my life.  Up under my ribs, up in my shoulders – pain pain pain – because it hangs out in your nervous system.  I could hardly walk.

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But overall, it’s okay.  It was okay.  Out patient surgery.  I fainted twice – once while getting my blood drawn (So they totally set you up for this – one nurse tells you all the scary shit you’re about to go through in the operating room while at the same time another nurse sticks a needle in your arm – it’s inhuman multitasking) and then again when an obnoxiously chipper nurse (any other time I would like her, but not drugged up and after surgery) walked me through the halls to the exit.  She had to lie me down on a bench by the sliding doors just beside the waiting area.  Some white haired lady with gold jewelry and a purple blouse who was waiting for a friend watched me while the nurse ran for another nurse so I wouldn’t roll off the bench.

Christ.  But, I survived, got in the car, made it home.  And I’ve been here ever since, hobbling around, marveling at how wide awake and focused percoset makes me and how very very incapable I am of doing anything besides sitting.

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There is so much I never appreciated before this.  Such as the ability to lean over and turn out the light in bed.  Or the ability to read more than two pages of a book without needing a nap.   Or the ability to shower.  To put on socks.

I wish I were exaggerating.  

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Flowers from my mom, who is my savior during all of this.  She’s gotten me sloppy joes and Chinese food and ice cream and juice – comfort food.  Not to mention keeping me on a meds schedule, filling my water bottle and my ice pack.  I’m so not used to relying on another person.  It’s utterly disorienting.

But I am healing.  Slowly.  Walking is still tricky.  I still can’t stand up straight.  But it’s better.  And the fact that I’ve gotten this far in making a blog post – that’s pretty mind blowing.  

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Here are some of the books I can’t read.

Actually one of the biggest surprises/annoyances/awakenings from this experience has been exactly that – the reading thing.  I can’t do it.  I can’t focus.  It’s all images for me now.  Magazines.  And truthfully? I kinda hate fashion magazines.  Only in a great once in a while. But not lately – it’s all I want!

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Just some of the magazines. Oh, and on top is a wonderful book by the wisest –  Danielle Laporte.

So yep, all I want is pretty pictures now.

And so yesterday I finally caved – I got started up with pinterest.  

And oh man, I got hooked quick.   

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Here’s the link to my page if you’re interested.  It’s funny, pinterest makes you feel very smug about how great your own taste is.  I keep looking at it over and over.  I love the collections of colors, I love organizing, I love looking at pictures wistfully.

Oof.  And on that note, I have to go.  This blog is suddenly killing me and I’m suddenly ready to sleep forever.  Or just doze off with a movie or three.  Thanks for listening to my medicated tale of woe.  

Things are getting better.  And I’ll be in California soon…looks like just a few weeks later than originally planned…I’ll keep you up to date.

Good night (yeah, I know it’s like 3pm, shut up this is my life now).

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