Final Performance

I know, it’s been forever.  I’ve been busy.  No excuse.

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Winter light.  Nope, not a good picture.  From my iphone, but it’s all I got right now.  

But here we are – final performance of very likely the worst play I’ve ever seen, let alone performed in.  And yet, this group of actors (15 of us, no small matter) has been so good to me and for me.  I’ll admit, I was really lonely in the months leading up to the play.  Having a group of people to complain with, to joke with, to share little stupid life details with…has been such a blessing I can’t even begin…

But as an artist with pride, I am ready to be done.  I gave it my best.  I worked hard in rehearsals to deal with this director’s positively absurd and daft ideas about theater and human behavior (the truth being that he has allowed a twisted love of theater to keep him from being a real human being – funny how often that happens).  

And I am ready to do the work that truly matters – finishing the first draft of my feature, the one I want to film next summer in Wisconsin.  I’ve got some final big pushes in the next week or so to finish this thing, but I’m determined.  It’s either create or perish.  Rot forever, telling yourself, “I could do better than that.”  

No.  This feature is happening.  AND – the next short short – to be shot in December or January – is also happening.  And, most recently, the short I directed this last winter – it’s FINALLY in its final sound edits right now.  It’s not perfect, in fact, it’s a little embarrassing and student film-y.  It was a first after all.  But I cannot wait to be done.  

As I’ve been telling Chris, I need to exist.  I need to be an artist with a name and with work that is out there in the world.  I am tired of nodding politely and listening to other people who have done things.  

I’m grateful to have Thanksgiving coming up.  It’s my first not spent with family in my entire life.  Just me and Chris.  My first time cooking the meal, planning it on my own.  Exciting and overwhelming.  But I can’t tell you how happy I’ll be to just cook and cook.  I crave it.  And yet I also expect I’ll be a little sad too.  I always miss my family, every single day.  And I always miss Wisconsin, also every single day.  But I’ll make the most of it.

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Can you tell I live in the teeniest apartment with the smallest kitchen on the planet?  Well, I do.  

This is where you start, it only goes up from here.  

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