What is this thing anyway?

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Well, hello.  I haven’t written here since this summer.  But I’ve been thinking about this…place, this blog.  I’ve been dreaming up posts and essays to share.  But I haven’t done it.  Haven’t taken the time, haven’t wanted to be “public” after directing a film (which felt so, so public – read about it at my filmmaking blog over here).

But I think I’m really ready now.  I mean, goodness, it doesn’t make sense to have a blog and only write once every three to four months.  That’s just silly.  And, oddly, a light form of taxing.  Because it’s there on your mind as a thing to do – that you’re failing at, every day, for months on end.

So, the question is now: am I in or out?

Well, I’m deciding right now – for as long as I want to – I’m in.  I’m going to aim to get a blog up once a week.  Every Thursday.  I’m going to just let it evolve as it wants to, but – yeah.  Stay tuned.

Why?

I’m asking myself another question.  Welllllll, because I personally would want to read the blog of someone trying to do what I’m trying to do.  I’m hoping it will be entertaining/informative to share what it’s really like trying to become a filmmaker/creative person/sane young woman these days.  I mean, good Lord, I’m personally desperate to find a decent blog by a decent young (especially female) writer/director/actor.  (Actually – do you know any?  Please pass them along if you do.  I’ve never really been able to find one that I admire.)

And also, just generally, because I want to be writing and sharing.  I want to be active in the film/art community.   I read blogs daily.  For encouragement and inspiration and advice.   Can I be part of that?? (she asks meekly, sheepishly)

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So here’s what I want out of this thing:

– First, I know I do not want a boring blog.  Right now it looks boring.  Sorry.  It will improve.  But I don’t want one of those dull writer blogs with, like, a typewriter image at the top and no beauty.  Or like a slate and stars and the Hollywood sign.  I don’t feel like that.  I don’t feel like fucking Naomi Watts in Mulholland Drive.  I’m from Wisconsin and I listen to classic rock and bluegrass and I want to bake my own bread.  I know that will seep in.  I want to learn how to make a blog that feels, even a little like my Tumblr.  I want a little bit of elegance.  (just a little, please)

– That said, I don’t want to create a blog that’s all about creating a sense of wonder around beautiful, stylish, magical me.  I’ve seen a lot of blogs that only showcase a gorgeous, curated lifestyle.  I admire the beauty of those sites, but I don’t relate to them.  And I can’t live with being unrelatable and lofty.  I also can’t live up to it.  I’m too goofy and I have a lot of disdain for people who don’t have a sense of humor about themselves.

– I want to share the details of what this pursuit is really like, in real time.  Because that’s what I want to learn about other people (and in sharing, mayyyyyybe I’ll meet others?  but really I just want to express this for myself).  So that means writing about…what’s it like making an acting reel (which I’m working on presently), editing a feature film, balancing paid day job work and the real creative work that actually matters, learning to care for my looks/body like a real movie star actress (because if you wanna be one, you gotta convince ’em you are one first), what auditions are actually like,  what I’m reading and watching and admiring and how that’s affecting the creative process of writing and directing, etc, etc, etc.

So here we go.  I’ll have more to say soon.  I’m giving this thing a shot.

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