The days have been a bit quiet. I haven’t wanted to do a lot since I got back to LA several weeks ago – oh my god, almost a month. I’ve been tired and uninterested. It’s been a very very slow wake up process after the holidays and after my grandpa passed.
I’ve been disoriented.
And while I am feeling better (I’ve been on a cleanse – no sugar, wheat, dairy, processed foods, alcohol, caffeine – mayyyybe that’s part of feeling down and now feeling better…), it’s still a roller coaster. Facing facts about my life in the new year has hit me pretty hard – facts about money, about being 28 and living essentially at poverty level (though I need to not tell myself that), about only just now starting to try acting in LA, and so forth.
But in the midst of two great pieces of news and some venting to my mom and Chris (thank god for them), I feel myself starting to perk up.
Good news 1 – our short film Cam Companion was accepted into the Wisconsin Film Festival in Madison. A wonderful shot in the arm for us in the midst of the winter blahs. We’ll be there in April, can’t wait to get back out to the Midwest.
Good news 2 – I’m in a student film tonight. Honestly, I’m hardly doing anything, playing a receptionist for a couple seconds, but it feels good to get the call sheet, to plan outfits, to do the work of an actress. But it’s also a little shaky feeling – I spent the summer playing the lead in my own movie. So that means I only had to please myself – and I wrote it, so I understood all the layers in the character. I’m realizing that I’ve gotten a little spoiled by that experience…and a wee bit lazy. So I’m grateful to ease back in with low pressure. Should be fun.
And it’s editing time. Whether I like it or not. June cannot wait any longer. Currently in the process of carving out focused work time on the movie…it’s so much harder than I’ve led myself to believe.
Well, here we go. An awkward, fumbling start to 2015, but I feel better every day.