The Pile Grows…

Lots going on.  I’m suddenly really feeling all that time I took off this month… I mean, I needed it, and yet I’m suddenly in full swing here.  It feels startling and good at the same time.  I’m glad to do the work.  It’s the antidote to depression every time.  The only thing is, you have to get yourself up to take the first step.  And the avoidance and fear of that first step is generally always my primary source of depression.  Catch-22, man.

So what’s new?  We shot the student film on Friday night.  Here we are:

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Aren’t we cute?  I don’t think I’m too believable as someone working in a police station, unless if I was some kind of intern (?), but, meh. It was a good experience to just pop in for about three hours, do some lines, and go through all the nervousness being on someone else’s set.  It was a safe place for me to be out of shape as an actress.  And for me to have such bad hair.  God damn, I need a haircut and highlights.

Otherwise?  Oh, where do I begin?  Editing, posting stills, listening to podcasts at my cleaning job, tutoring a verrrry ADD boy, finally finishing up my reel, getting footage out to actors for their reels, submitting to auditions, getting better at managing money, and more editing.

Here’s what it looks like when I do some of these things at once, all from the office of My Bed:

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All good stuff, but it’s a lot.  A lot of considerations to be made lately based on income and time.  For example – I need more money coming in.  I put up a tutoring ad and that generally gets a response.  I want jobs that are essentially on my time or that are one time gigs that I can move around (as in, I’ve done art modeling before – I’d love to do that again and get quick cash for sitting around but not necessarily be scheduled into that every week).  I also don’t want to be working too much because editing this movie is more than a part-time job – and I have so far to go.  I’m hoping to be very far along come April so I can take a breath and start really working on my latest screenplay and so that I can full-on pursue acting.  And, you know, make more money.

Aaaannd, when it comes to money – where does the very little spare money go?  I found three film festivals I want to submit to, so that’s a good chunk in submission fees.  At some point I gotta join IMDB Pro, but now doesn’t feel like the time as I slug away at the edits.  And I’m gonna need new headshots…that’s gotta wait too.  And putting my reel up on Actors Access is gonna cost some cash, but I can’t wait on that anymore as it says my old name, not my stage name

Ay-yi-yi.  It’s a beast.  So many tangled threads.  You need to find your moments of clarity and enjoyment.  And one I cannot wait for – I have been on a cleanse since January 9 (my idea of a cleanse is no sugar, dairy, wheat, alcohol, caffeine) and I am going to have a gorgeous beer on Friday after my 21 days are up.  Holy good God almighty.  I’m just dreaming about that beer.  And a cup of coffee.  Just one.  But a cup will do.  Oh, yes.

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Overwhelmed

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Notes:

In the Middle Ages peasants and serfs broke for breakfast, lunch, afternoon nap, and dinner, as well as mid morning and afternoon breaks.  Holidays took up a lot of time, Sabbath days, saints’ days, public feasts, rest days, festivals, weeks off for births, marriages, deaths — estimated one third of the year off for England.  Nearly half the year off in Spain and France.  The introduction of clocks in the 13th century linked to the increase in work hours.

“Without time to reflect, to live fully present in the moment and face what is transcendent about our lives, Hunnicutt says, we are doomed to live in purposeless and banal busyness.  ‘Then we starve the capacity we have to love,’ he said.  ‘It creates this ‘unquiet heart,’ as Saint Augustine said, that is ever desperate for fulfillment.'”

And this :
“Somewhere toward the end of the twentieth century, Burnett and other researchers contend, busyness became not just a way of life, but glamorous.  Now, they say, it is a sign of high social status.”

The only conclusion: to survive this world, you must rebel.